Birthday Girl

Happy Birthday, Ellie! We love you so much and cannot wait to celebrate your two years this weekend.

Style Friday

This week was hot. One of my favorite things about summer is sandals. However, my collection is not looking so hot this summer. Somehow I have ended up with three pairs of black Reef flip flops. I have one pair of mustard yellow leather sandals I picked up at Target but this is my only work appropriate pair. I may just find myself at DSW this weekend. Here are a few adorable pairs I found online:

1. Nine West Apricot in Garden Aqua
2. Wanted Empire in Bronze
3. Very Volatile Everyday in Gold
4. Pink Studio Nutshell in Natural

Adopted For Life (chapter 1)

I have heard a lot of positive things being said about the book Adopted For Life by Dr. Russell Moore. So I thought I'd give it a read and post my thoughts about it chapter by chapter.

Dr. Russell Moore is dean of the School of Theology and senior vice president for academic administration at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is also the preaching pastor at Highview Baptist Church. More importantly, he is a husband and father of 4 sons, two of which were adopted from Russia. You can find his website here and his twitter feed here. He recently submitted a resolution on "Adoption and Orphan Care" to the SBC which was passed this week. It is extremely well written.

In the first chapter Dr. Moore makes it clear that this book is not a how-to for adoption. Instead, it provides a theological and practical understanding of adoption. By this, I mean that adoption is a theological biblical term about our relationship to God. Believers in Jesus Christ have gone from sinful and forsaken to not only forgiven, but adopted as full sons and daughters of God. Yet adoption is also a practical act on this earth that provides a way to care for those who have no family.

In the first chapter, Dr. Moore points out who he is writing this book to. The answer: all types of people. Those that are thinking about adoption, those that aren't. Those that have adopted, those that are in the process. Those that are huge advocates for adoption, and those that haven't given it one thought (except as an alternative during a pro-life discussion).

The book is for all types of people because at it's core the book is about Jesus. The more we grow in our understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the greater we will understand the need to care for orphans. The more we care for orphans and become "adoption-friendly", the more we will be able to understand the gospel of Jesus Christ. They work hand in hand.

Jesus cares for the "least of these" and so should we. Therefore, we all should have some involvement in caring for orphans, because Jesus does.

The book looks to be really good. So stay tuned.

Favorite Quotes from Chapter 1:

- "The gospel of Jesus Christ means our families and churches ought to be at the forefront of the adoption of orphans close to home and around the world. As we become more attuned to the gospel, we'll have more of a burden for orphans. As we become more adoption-friendly, we'll be better able to understand the gospel." (p. 18)

- "I want to ask what it would mean if our churches and families were known as the people who adopt babies - and toddlers, and children, and teenagers. What if we as Christians were known, once again, as the people who take in orphans and make of them beloved sons and daughters?" (p. 20)

- "All of us have a stake in the adoption issue, because Jesus does." (p. 20)

- On prior understanding of adoption "I wasn't evil - or, at least, I wasn't any more evil on this score than any other redeemed sinner - but I was as theologically and spiritually vacuous as the television 'prosperity gospel' preachers I made fun of with my theologically sophisticated friends." (p. 22)

FAQ #6: Most foster parents are just in it for the money, right?

Unfortunately, this is a terribly common stereotype I hear about foster parents. My guess is that people believe this because nine out of ten times you hear about a foster parent in the news it is because of something terrible happening. Just as in anything, there are people in it for the wrong reasons.

The daily amount given by the state per foster child is about the equivalent of working two to three hours at a minimum wage job. It is not a lot of money. On top of the daily amount, there is a monthly clothing allowance (also minimal) that must be spent on clothing for the child. The agency tracks this by having foster parents keep receipts for that money used.

To make money off of foster care would require an extreme abuse of the system. It would also require having several kids (I'm thinking five or more) and not caring for them properly. Yes, I am sure there are people who have done this but it is not a high percentage. But, if they were found out, I am sure you have heard about them on your local news channel or 20/20.

The people you will not hear about in the news are the people we have sat in class with who are there to provide a home for a child who needs one. They are caring people who despite their busy lives are taking on another challenge. They are young and old, black and white, married and single. Some of them are there specifically with the purpose of adopting a special needs child. That takes a huge heart! Some of them are there to care for a grandchild, niece, nephew or cousin. The majority of people in our classes have the right intentions and see foster care as a way to grow their family. They recognize the tragedy that is foster care and they are there to intervene and give hope to a child who may not have any left.

My First Placement I

Saturday was our third foster parenting training class. We had a nice surprise when we found out our trainer was an old friend from high school. We knew she was working at our agency but all our other trainings were with someone else. It was fun to be taught by her. She truly cares about foster kids and has worked in various roles at our agency so she could speak from different perspectives. This class covered three areas: attachment, loss and discipline.

We were a little bummed to find out that they had changed the day of the July class and we are not available for the new date. We will have to wait until August to finish up our classes now. After looking at the time schedule for licensing, it looks like we should be licensed by November/December. Although we are anxious to get things started, we are comfortable with this time frame. Dan is taking a great deal of credits in the fall and it seems like a more realistic and ideal situation to not have any kids placed with us until after his semester is over.

My dear friend Heather asked me the other night if I thought we would be ready by December to be parents. I have no idea! It all seems so surreal right now. We talk about it all the time and we are very aware that life is going to change soon but right now we are just going on as normal.

On a related note, I was thrilled to hear about the orphan care initiative started at Saddleback Church last week. I pray that more churches will embrace such program and that more people will realize God’s heart for the orphan.

Israel (Western Wall)

The Western Wall deserves it's own entry. And yes, I know there was another long delay between my Israel posts. Deal with it. Or, maybe you just enjoy what Krysta writes and don't really care about my Israel posts anymore. If that's the case, I take no offense at all, just skim the pictures on this post and you're good.

The Western Wall was unbelievable. Also known as the Wailing Wall because it was known as the place that the Jews wailed over the destruction of the Temple and the fact that they did not own the land. Now they own the land so there isn't a real need to wail.

On to the pictures...

Western Wall from a distance. They were doing some construction just to the south of the wall (which is what that scaffold thing is there for)

Krysta and I at the Wall. This is as close as we could get to it together. There is a women's section and a men's section.

Up close picture of the women's area.

The men's area.

An Orthodox Jew reading and praying at the Wall.

Prayers placed in the Wall.

To the left of the outside part of the men's area (when facing the Wall) is this enclosed area. It is called Robinson's Arch and originally was the foundations for a ramp/steps up to the entrance to the Second Temple. It is lined with bookshelves with Torah's and other important Jewish writings on the opposite side of the Wall. It was a really amazing place to be in. There were lots of Orthodox Jewish men praying in here. This picture is from the end of the room looking back towards the entrance.

All the men had to were Yamaka's. I was probably deep in prayer when this picture was taken. Or I was blinking... I can't remember which.

Funny story: We were waiting to go into a tunnel which the Jews have dug out along the entire stretch of the Western Wall when these two guys showed up. They told Krysta they wanted their picture taken, so she took it. Then they told her that they wanted her in the picture with them. I showed them my wedding ring and told them we were married. They apologized and promptly moved on to our friend Katie. She denied their advances as well. An hour later as I was leaving the Western Wall, I saw the guy on the left leaning against the Wall in prayer. I guess nominal believers isn't just a Christian thing.

Looking at a large dug out area of the Western Wall.

Each large stone of Herod's Wall (Solomon built the first Temple, it was destroyed and Herod built it a second time) is surrounded by a fine-chiseled border. So we were walking along the tunnel looking at a wall that was built 2,000 years ago and was looked at by Jesus. Amazing.

A view down the tunnel with the Herodian stones of the Western Wall.

For even more information you can go here (This is for my Dad and any other history buffs).

Style Friday

I just went out a few weeks ago and bought some thread and needles. There were none in my house. Up until this point, I've been taking every pair of pants that needed to be hemmed, every button that needed to be replaced, and every couch that needed recovering to my mother. Just one more reason I will never leave Michigan.

But my growing love for Etsy has exposed me to fabric. Specifically, I have become aware of two fabric designers whose work I love: Joel Dewberry and Amy Butler. I would love to know how one becomes a fabric designer. And now I am determined to sew just so I can use some of these lovely options.

Here are a few of my favorites from Mr. Dewberry:

1. Collection: Deer Valley, Palette: Persimmon, Lodge Lattice Peony
2. Collection: Ginseng, Palette: Mulberry, Bloom in Sand
3. Collection: Ginseng, Palette: Mulberry, Tiles in Stone
4. Collection: Aviary, Palatte: Bark, Sunburst in Dark Almond

And a few from Ms. Butler:

1. Collection: Lotus, Palette: Faded China, Morning Glory
2. Collection: Midwest Modern 2, Palette: Sunset, Noveau Trees
3. Collection: Midwest Modern 2, Palette: Ohio Sky, Fresh Poppies
4. Collection: August Fields, Palette: Wild Bouquet, Ivory Sunrise

FAQ #5: Why are kids in foster care?

It is a common myth that children are in foster care because they are "bad" kids or, in the case of older kids, juvenile delinquents. This is not true.

Kids are in foster care due to abuse or neglect. Either their parent(s) have treated them poorly or failed to care for them properly. These are very sad cases. When the system works, parents are able to learn from their mistakes and become the parent they need to be for their child. When they cannot or will not make the changes necessary, then their parental rights are terminated. Since each case is unique, individual plans are made to pursue reunification or termination based on the child and birth parent's circumstances. An average case takes one to one and a half years to be completed with either reunification or adoption being the end goal.

A question that I asked at one of our training sessions was, "Are kids ever removed from the home due to poverty?" After watching the movie, God Bless This Child, we are terribly cautious of such a circumstance. We do not believe that being poor is a reason for a child to be adopted. I think we often believe as Americans that money solves problems when in reality we know that is not true. I recently listened to a fairly disturbing but interesting This American Life episode about an international adoption gone wrong. And when I hear stories like this, it makes me believe that we are very confused about what makes a good home: being rich or having loving parents? Families in poverty can still be loving families. In such cases, we (the church) should be helping these family's in their poverty but adopting their children is not the answer.

Style Friday

A sneak peak of what is to come in our bathroom:

I am a little nervous about the fabric so I'll make my final decision after the walls are painted. Have a great weekend.

FAQ #4: What do you have to do to become a foster parent?

This was not really the question I planned to answer this week but we are pretty behind in our paperwork and our third class is coming up next Saturday. Here is our checklist from our agency:

the items with a "Star 6/20" are what we are trying to get done by our next class. It looks like a long list but there are a few things that do not apply:

Anyway, we will spend the next week gathering documents, getting physicals and obtaining a police clearance.

Sermon Jam

This is funny and awesome all at the same time to me.




From Desiring God

Style Friday

My dad said to me this week, "I like everything you write on the blog...well, except when you write about shopping." Thanks, Dad. I guess he does not understand the importance of style.

Inspired by my trip to CB2 last weekend, here are a few of my favorites:

1. We have been looking for a round kitchen table for quite some time. Our kitchen is pretty small and the rectangle shaped table we have right now just is not cutting it. However, if I was to purchase the Teepee Dining Table I think it would inspire a total remodel of our kitchen. So, I will just admire it from afar.

2. I just love these little tray tables. I feel like they would be really functional and esthetically pleasing at the same time. And, to be honest, when it is just the two of us we like to eat in front of the TV. They would get a lot of use.

3. I know exactly where these would go in my house. Right on the shelf above our entertainment center. I would need quite a few to get the look I am going for but they are actually pretty reasonably priced.

4. I noticed these dishes right when we walked in the door at CB2 last weekend. And they are on sale. I really have a thing for dishes (I believe I got this from my mother). But these would also be part of the total kitchen redo so I resisted.

I hope I did not bore you too much, Dad. Have a great weekend everyone.

Happy Birthday, Willow!

Happy Birthday, Willow! You are a year old today. Your aunt and uncle love you very much. We took this picture of you when we came to California and you were only three weeks old. I love your little facial expression. Wish we could be with you.

FAQ #3: I could never do that - I would get too attached.

Well, this is not a question but something that people say to us quite often. We are very much aware of the risk that kids placed in our home will likely be returning to their birth parent(s) or another family member at some point. We know the risks and at the same time expect to become attached to each child placed in our home.

Attachment is a big thing in foster care. It is actually a subject that we need to learn much more about. Many kids in foster care, especially those who have been in multiple placements, have issues with attachment. They have been moved and uprooted so many times that they have a difficult time attaching to others. But it is vitally important that they learn to attach because it is much, much harder (some would say near impossible) to learn as an adult.

Part of what we can do to make this possible for them is to love them and treat them fully as our child. We can't treat them as if they are going to leave even though we know that is a very real possibility. As two people who grew up in healthy homes, with loving parents who cared for us, we are in a much better emotional and mental state to deal with the loss of having a child leave.

However, you might be thinking, "But the child will eventually leave you. How is that healthy if he becomes attached and then is taken away?" The fact of the matter is, it is far better for a child to experience and learn that attachment and then move on than if the child never experienced or learned it at all. It is not a perfect system, but it is our job to provide a loving and welcoming home to a child who needs it. The long term affects of the child's short time of attachment with us will be irreplaceable. It is in the best interest of the child that he attaches to us (and we to him). But that leaves us attached to a child who will no longer be in our house.

Although we have prayed and researched and read lots of things over the past year, we know there is probably nothing to prepare us for the sadness that will come when kids leave. But, thankfully, we have this reassurance:

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:11-13

So, yes, we plan to become too attached. The risk of not doing so is too great for both us and the kids in our home. While we know that is a great likelihood for loss in foster care, we also know that loss happens in "regular life" too. Nothing is promised. When you dedicate your children to the Lord, you put their lives in His hands. If we were all too worried about getting "too attached" no one would ever have children but I think we all know that the opportunity for blessing and joy far outweighs the risk of loss. We know that even when we will be hurt and sad, God's grace will sustain us. Our obedience is not dependent on our strength, but on God's.

Links:
New York Attachment Center
Adopting the Hurt Child & Parenting the Hurt Child
Episode 4 - Don't You Get Attached

Dear Chicago

We took a quick trip to Chicago this weekend. I think the last weekend of May is now our official "Chicago Weekend" since we did the same thing last year. Rob and Elizabeth were kind enough to let us crash at their place. Thanks, Globkes!

We visited Millennium Park (which neither of us have ever been too) and took the classic picture at The Bean. We also got to eat some great food, including a stop at our favorite restaurant, Sopranos. We also got to visit the CB2 store (which they do not have in Michigan) and it made me want to completely redecorate my house. Mmmm, maybe that will be the next "Style Friday."

Somewhat, pathetically, my favorite stop on the trip was to Wiggley Field. Clever name, huh? We happened past the dog park on our way back to the Globke's and Dan was kind enough to let me stop and watch for a few (mmm....20 minutes). In that time, I found four other types of dogs I think we should get. After we left, I decided we need to move to a farm so that our twenty dogs can run free. Thats right - our trip to Chicago made me want to move to a farm.

We had a great time with Rob and Elizabeth and I'm pretty sure Dan was grateful to have sports fans to watch hockey and basketball with. I am already looking forward to our trip next year.

("Dear Chicago" is a song by Ryan Adams and you should all go listen to it).